When we dream of becoming adventurers, we do not think of sexual violence.
We dream of the heart-pounding thrill of summiting a new peak or of riding a dogsled through new territory. Not the heart-pounding fear of having your Norwegian exchange parent force his hand under your clothes.
Blair Braverman shares her story of sexual assault on her journey to becoming a dogsled racer in her book WELCOME TO THE GODDAMN ICE CUBE (2016). See it on Amazon here.
This morning, Blair shared more thoughts via Twitter on the disconnect between the male and female experience–which is one of the major roots to this issue.
Here's the thing. HERE'S THE THING.
Male readers keep thinking that my book about sexual violence is
bragging
about being
attractive.— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
See the full thread below. Before we get there, though, it could not be more important to point out…
Sexual violence in the outdoors isn’t just Blair’s story.
This Spring, Lily Cohen shared a story of sexual harassment while on a climbing trip with a man. She was there to climb, and he was there for more: “I bet you bought the hippie peanut butter with no sugar […] You’re my [climbing] partner you should be giving me some sugar.” Read the piece on the Moja Gear journal here.
The thing to realize is:
These stories are not isolated incidents. Sexual harassment and violence happens with near-epidemic frequency, although they often remain peoples’ unspoken traumas. It’s hard enough for people to tell them to close friends, let alone write about them in a blog or a book.
Men–
Read the thread below and read this book. And realize: the female experience is something you will never fully understand, because you will never live it (unless you change genders).
But you can understand it better, and you can help stop harassment. First, you need to listen. You need to believe people when they say they’ve been harassed. Start to understand what it’s like, and then use that understanding to actively educate people who don’t understand.
It’s hard to even know where to start with something that seems so basic.
When in doubt, share the stories of others. If you can’t directly relate to it from your own experience, anyone who has experienced it can be more insightful than you. Sharing their story preserves their voice and experience, and it sheds more light on this dark issue.
Read Blair’s thoughts in the wake of presidential candidate Donald Trump’s admission to committing sexual harassment and assault here:
These past few days have me thinking about how women and men live in parallel worlds with a one-way glass between them.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
The fact that so many men have been shocked by Trump's *language," rather than the real-life meaning of that language, makes me want to cry.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
(Of course, crying would make me too emotional. I'm probably just on my moon-time. Good thing I'm not in leadership, right?)
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Listen. I wrote a book about sexual violence. It's about the arctic, and adventure, and dogs, and–no, it's not. It's about sexual violence.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Women haven't been surprised by that. But men, who think they're reading an adventure story, are. And I've heard their responses.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
No woman goes into the world without being made aware of her gender. There IS no adventure without that. There's no grocery shopping, either
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Every woman knows the story in my book. They don't need to be arctic explorers to have lived it. But male readers think it's exceptional.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
And by exceptional, I mean that they think that sexual violence is the exception.
They. Think. It's. The. Exception.— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Male reviewers–and excellent ones at that–have jumped through hoops to avoid mentioning sexual violence and gender in Ice Cube.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Female reviewers get it. They don't always like it, but they *get it* instantly. They know this story. They know the fight to be honest.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Here's the thing. HERE'S THE THING.
Male readers keep thinking that my book about sexual violence is
bragging
about being
attractive.— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Ice Cube is about becoming an adventurer/explorer but I made the decision to leave the real-life harassment and violence in every scene.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
It wasn't my goal, but I was aware that that decision might bring some men closer than they'd ever been to the reality of female experience.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
People tell me they'll buy Ice Cube for their daughters.
I hope they'll buy it for their sons.— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
The (male) editor of MUSHING magazine used his review to call for an increased awareness of gender violence in the sport.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
That is a best-case scenario. I'd been nervous about reception within the mushing world. I've been so happy, so moved, by the response.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
But still, this. Every time, this.
so many male readers
think that my book about sexual harassment/violence
is BRAGGING— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Which means those same male readers think that sexually harassing someone–whether or not they do it themselves–is a compliment.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
And this coming from a self-selecting group of men who read a book with the word "feminist" in the cover blurb.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Sexually harassing someone is a compliment in the same way that breaking into someone's house and stealing their stuff is a compliment.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
One reader pointed out that Ice Cube wouldn't pass the Bechdel test. I was shocked. My book is feminist! It's real! But she's totally right.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
“The Bechdel Test asks whether a work of fiction features at least two women who talk to each other about something other than a man. The requirement that the two women must be named is sometimes added.” (Wikipedia)
I reassured myself that I wrote about being one of the only women in a male-dominated place, so of course it wouldn't pass Bechdel test.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
The fact that my book–my experience–didn't pass Bechdel test is part of why I needed to write about it. It's part of the problem.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
I've had men at readings–AFTER listening to me read about harassment!– touch me inappropriately while telling me they liked the book.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Are you a man? Do you want to be a good person? Don't touch a woman unless she touches you first.
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Men: Why is it so hard for you to understand? To listen and believe? Help me. Help us. Do you know? Can you explain?
Women: Here's a puppy. pic.twitter.com/nYQtUQvUvu
— Blair Braverman (@BlairBraverman) October 10, 2016
Another major user of Twitter, Kelly Oxford, recently shared several of her own stories of sexual violence, asking women to share their stories and help expose this traumatic and unspoken side of the female experience. She’s receiving literally tens of thousands of responses:
https://twitter.com/kellyoxford/status/784758511347511296
50 per minute. It’s important to reiterate: this is not an isolated issue experienced by a small subset of society. There are literally tens of thousands of women who have shared their story with Kelly Oxford in the last couple days via Twitter. And, to use Kelly Oxford’s trending hashtag, that’s #notokay. Don’t ignore it.
Blair’s adventures in WELCOME TO THE GODDAMN ICE CUBE are at times exciting, and at others terrifying + harrowing — in every sense of the word — and they’re a great place to start.
Note: Men are sexually harassed, too. By all genders. But the majority of harassment is man-to-woman, and that’s what this article focuses on. This is not meant to discount others’ experiences of harassment, but rather share these specific stories and, hopefully, increase awareness around this particular issue.
