Ok, not since Kathy Bates in Misery went“cockadoodie” cuckoo on poor Paul Sheldon have I witnessed someone switch between such polarizing personas with the lighting speed of a sledgehammer barreling down on some poor invalid’s ankles. One minute she’s a fuckin Stepford wife who seems like she’d bake you a literal pie if it meant making your stay the best experience, and the next it’s like her head has spun around to the other side of her body and she’s projectile vomiting screaming,“Your mother sucks cocks in hell!” Prior to making my reservation, she made no mention- nor was it listed anywhere- all of the rules and conditions she had for her guests. The strangest and most confounding of her rules(and there were many) pertained to her pet policy. Dogs are allowed(or so she says) but the way she polices their most basic canine behavior, your pooch might not even think this was a vacation, but more like doggy boot camp.“Don’t leave a single trace of dog hair!”(It’s summer. Dogs are shedding. So that’s literally impossible.)“Keep your dog on a leash!”(Ok fair, but other people didn’t have their dogs on a leash, and you didn’t seem to be bothered by them.)“NO BARKING!”(First of all, that’s hypocritical coming from you. Second, it’s a cabin in the middle of the woods with all manner of critters running around. The dogs are probably gonna bark at some point.) Speaking of critters running around, the dogs are not permitted in the most dog-friendly space on the whole property- the yard!(At this point, I think she should just put that her property doesn’t allow dogs, as it’s so much simpler communication.) Why aren’t they allowed in the yard? Because the space is reserved for a herd of free-roaming rabbits she’s got running around out there. Yes, rabbits. I’m pretty sure they’re not even her rabbits. They’re domesticated rabbits, but I think they’re feral(like the incredibly out-of-place ones you see hopping around Cannon Beach in Oregon.) But she’s turned her yard into some kind of“bunny sanctuary” like she’s fuckin’ Lady Tottington from Wallace and Gromit. She also hovers over her guests like a ghostly UFO to make sure her rules are constantly being enforced, and if she’s not hovering, she’s persistently peering from her window through the shades like she’s Mrs. Norman Bates, ready to cut a bitch if you dare fall out of line with her policies. Even when I didn’t notice her, I still felt like she was watching somehow, like how in Scooby Doo when they pass a painting and the eyes slowly trail you from behind the wall. It’s CREEPY! If you’re that desperate for a getaway, book at your own discretion, but I certainly wouldn’t recommend Michelle or her“Creekside Cabin” and its trove of horror movie tropes.